Eric responded, saying, "Oh yeah? Rough day for you Mommies?" in a joking way. We laughed. "Yeah, real rough," and as I said those words, it dawned on me...
FINALLY, after nearly one full year of being a stay at home mom, I realized, holy shit...my day was no where near "hard."
Seriously, why have I been kidding myself? Here was my day(and this is rather typical):
I got up at 8, ate breakfast, fed Ella and changed her, went on a play date with friends, ate a delicious home cooked meal (not to boast) and watched Ella play with her new friend Ryan.
Yeah, real hard. Cry-me-a-river.
It finally dawned on me how, not it is really "easy" but to be a stay at home mom, raising a human being, it definitely has it's challenges. But it's far from a "hard" life.
In fact, it's fun!
We play. We sing songs. Sometimes she gets fussy and poops on the floor without a diaper on (and plays in it while I scramble to get a wash cloth and detergent). No shortage of surprises.
But it, all if it, so much better than going to work all day long at a job I don't like. Those waitressing jobs meant nothing to me. Nothing compared to this!!
My god, I thought...WTF do I really have to complain about? Being tired? Well, then I can take a nap! Being a stay at home mom, I have that luxury!
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there aren't challenges.There are still going to be several times during the day that I'll get stressed.
But I when I think of those challenges, I think of the challenges I DON'T have to face, like having Ella and getting up at 6:30 every morning to feed, dress and get her ready for daycare before I head to work for 8 hours.
No thank you.
If I had once piece of advice for a stay at home mom with only one child...it would be...
Get over yourself! You really don't have it that hard. Okay, I mean, it's tough...but seriously!
Don't misunderstand...sometimes life is hard.
Just in general. I get that. Money stresses the heck out of me. I'm sure you've got your own set of stresses like a hill or a mountain that can be hard to see over.
But new challenges are always bound to arise. New stresses as well as new joys. Take it in, breathe easy, and remember, it's okay to be tired. Take in every single moment with your little blessing before he or she grows up and moves around too fast to be caught long enough to cuddle.
Laugh at the mess rather than scurrying about picking it up (for a little while, at least).
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I consider myself a SAHM, even though I watch my 12 month old nephew 3 days a week. It is a lot more difficult those days, waking up early, getting us ready to walk over to my sisters house. Makes me appericate the days we get to lay around the house and play! I agree with your post in a way, after they are older it sure is a breeze, and plenty of fun. But it was definitely NOT fun when I was watching my 8 week old nephew and my 13 month old daughter. It was a nightmare, it WAS hard, everyday was so draining, both emotionally and physically for me. I think staying home with more than one baby is not all happiness and fun. I just want to put that out there for the SAHM's with more than one. :) If my husband ever said "Oh yeah? Rough day for you mommies?" When I was watching a newborn and an infant, I might have attacked him. LOL. Just saying, it can be hard work being a SAHM, I wouldn't change it for the world, but it is not as easy as this post says. I also don't think "Get over yourself" is good advice, at all.
ReplyDeleteHear, hear! The job of homemaker and stay at home Mama is one where you have the unique opportunity to make what you will of your job. Me--I wouldn't trade it for anything! Heck, my husband has worked from home much of the past 2 years (meaning he KNOWS what I do all day!), & he would still rather stay home with the kids than go to work. But he has the skills that bring in the big bucks, whereas mine are just as important, but not ones that our society recognizes with significant cash--and I have patience with housework & little ones that he doesn't. So the division of labor is as it should be & life is good.
ReplyDeleteI found this on the best day possible! I was really stressed out about all the little errands I have to do today... worrying about the logistics of hauling 3 little ones around in the snow. But you reminded me that I am so blessed to be able to stay home with my children. (and make money watching someone else's) Yeah it is stressful sometimes... but not nearly as stressful as it would be if I had to wonder all day what they were doing or saying or feeling. I get to have picnics on the living room floor and sing my little one to sleep for his nap... And I wouldn't trade those things for anything!
ReplyDeleteLove this post Kaitlin... you know I've been thinking along these same lines for the past several days.. thinking about how grateful I am that I'm able to raise my girls myself, even if it does mean that money is a little tighter. Every now and then when I think "geez, maybe if went back to work we could have this and do that blah blah...", the next thing I imagine is handing over my angels...them in tears, me in tears (trying to hide them) and the pain I feel even thinking about this scenario soon snaps me out of it and I get back to being grateful for my life, and for each day with them. The "hard" and stressful moments are always short lived, but the general permeating feeling of each day is one of happiness, fun and anticipation...probably close to the opposite of my old day job. I agree... if being tired is the worst of it...then what is there really to complain about?! Sometimes I just need a reminder of this and your post was a great one.
ReplyDeleteI might have wholeheartedly agreed with this when I only had one child as well... and a young one at that.
ReplyDeleteI do agree that we sahm's definitely need to take in every moment and not take for granted the blessing that it is to stay home to raise our children, but I think it's a bit extreme to say that all sahm's should "get over yourself". It's definitely a hard job and only gets harder as the babes turn into toddlers and siblings are added to the mix. Also if a mom home schools that brings in a world of new challenges, not to mention special needs children....
Not so easy to just take a nap when you have more than one.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments. I agree with much of what all of you said. Perhaps I was a bit harsh with the "get over yourself" part. But I meant, (and actually revised the post) directed specifically at the SAHM with only one child. NO WAY did I mean being a SAHM with more than one kid! I can imagine that being much more tough.
ReplyDeleteMy point in this blog post was to appreciate your life being a stay at home mom, no matter how hard it is. It's all to often that I complain about my life, and when I really think about it, I have it good. Really good. Unless you have it bad, you have it pretty good. And it's good to remind ourselves of that as often as possible! (as well as to say, "GOOD JOB! Not just cleaning up the house, but "good job for being a good mom to your little one.")
Thank you Kaitlin for changing that part of the post. I just wanted to say that last night when I left that comment I was exhausted from watching 2 little ones and it hit a nerve. But reading it this morning with a "clear" head I can really apperciate this post because it did make me look at my situation and say "Hey, shes right, this is my choice and theres nothing I'd rather be doing." I love being able to say home with my daughter, I am so lucky! I love watching my nephew as well. Even on the hard days I am blessed to "stay home" with these two babies and I shouldn't complain. I think my sister appreciates it as well, knowing her baby isn't with a stranger or at a daycare, but at home with her sister. I love watching them grow and learn. Thank you for reminding me of that.
ReplyDeleteso very true. love your post and your perspective!
ReplyDeletewhen i quit my career to stay home i went through an identity crisis. everything changed. my schedule, my goals, my wardrobe, you name it. and when i play with the idea of going back to work to be the person i was, i realize that i'd rather see this adventure through and get to know the SAHM that i've become. so far i think she's pretty kickass!
Great post! I actually have 3 kids under 5 (and one on the way) instead of just one, but I too am incredibly grateful that I am able to stay home with my children! Yes, it's challenging, but I can't imagine my kids in daycare and myself at a job for 8 hours either! There are a lot of things I have had to change about myself in the years since I became a mommy (like accepting the fact that my floor will NEVER stay clean!), but I believe this journey has caused me to grow and made me into a better person overall.
ReplyDeleteI wish I was at a point in my life where my husband and I could afford for me to be a stay at home mom... I might as well be a new mommy...my first is 10 years old and I have one on the way due in May...My point is that everyone will find something to complain about. It is those who take a step back and realizes that they have a lot more to be thankful for than to complain about those are the people who really understand what life is all about. That is when you can step back and say "I have it all!It may not seem like it to others but I have it all!"
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