My Birth Was Better Than Yours

How would you feel if a woman - friend, mother, sister, cousin or stranger, said to you, "my birth was better than your birth"?

You'd feel defensive and angry, mostly taken aback. How dare anyone compare such a sacred, intimate and personal experience of one's life?

Unfortunately, women do it to each other all the time.

Here are three very common experiences women have during childbirth:

1. Trusted my doctor to advice me, had all the bells and whistles - epidural, iv, catheter, an episiotomy and a beautiful, healthy 8 lb. baby in my arms. We went home the next day. Picture perfect.

2. Was pro-information/education, took birth into my own hands. No interference of any kind - all natural. Beautiful. Midwife caught the baby and my doula was present. Awesome (home birth included in this group).

3. Wanted to go natural, but contractions were much harder than I anticipated. Ended up accepting the epidural after the nurses talked it up so much. Couldn't feel while pushing, needed help getting baby out. Disappointed in myself and with the overall experience (cesarean sections included in this group).

For whatever reason, each of these women judge and criticize one another.

Women who have epidurals think those who "go natural" are on an ego trip. Natural childbirth advocates think women who get pain medication,  or schedule elective cesarean sections are ignorant and selfish. The last group feels disappointed in themselves and may project those onto natural birth mothers, or talk about birth in a negative light.

Women love to give each other advice about birth.


Bummer is though, these mothers who are seemingly handing out helpful advice for expectant mothers are really trying to say, "this is how you do it." And if you're planning on birthing differently, watch out for the stink eye, and depending on the personality of whom you're speaking with, prepare yourself for a response.

Here are a few to expect:


You're planning on birthing naturally ~
"Oh, honey...why would you do that? You don't have anything to prove to anybody! There's not even any proof that the epidural gets to the baby. You don't have to feel the pain - and TRUST ME, it's really, really painful!!"

You're a-okay with getting an epidural ~
"Don't you know what the drug passes through the placenta and could harm your baby? At least make it drowsy...have you seen the difference between a naturally born baby - how alert they are vs. a baby whose mom had an epi? The drowsiness can make it harder to breastfeed.Or so I'm told...I had a natural birth."


You're planning a home birth ~
"Why would you risk your babies life?" 


Pregnancy and labor is like religion or politics. 

We live together - sometimes peacefully, sometimes at war, with a wide range of different views - sometimes similar, sometimes polar opposite. There is a time and a place to state your opinion.

I'm a natural birth advocate. Had a drug-free birth at home because I thought it was the best choice for my baby and I.

That said, I have friends who have accepted an epidural gratefully or needed some Pitocin to get things moving after fearing infection due to her water being broken for 24+ hrs. I have friends who had horrible hospital experiences that lead them to seek alternative birth options the next time around. Friends who scheduled c-sections without the bat of an eyelash. People I am very close to were fed formula as babies (gasp!).

And guess what?

They (and their kids) turned out okay.

There is a LOT of information out there, and thanks to the internet, it's right at our fingertips. If someone is interested in finding out the pros and cons of ANY drug, it's easy to do so.

Want to make a difference in the world? Lead by example. Don't boast, don't get a big head because the birth you had was so "right" for you that every woman should do it that way.

If you just have to inform - go on ahead, but stick to educating, (to help) not preaching (to condemn).

I'm taking an oath to follow the Golden Rule; my hope is that others will play along.