What will my labor be like? Will it hurt? What environment do I want to birth in? Will I want to labor in water? What position will I end up delivering in?
A first time mother will daydream these questions, interrupting her concentration at work; invading her dreams.
And for good reason. Birth is one of the few most monumental moments of a woman's life.
We interview doctors, midwives and doulas. Gather our birth supplies, say our blessings and light the candles. Do our kegels and walk, swim or practice prenatal yoga.
Everything we do during pregnancy, especially in the later half, is in anticipation and preparation for the big day.
Strangers may ask (or not ask) to touch your belly. They may ask you where you plan on giving birth or who your provider is. Some may go so far as to pry into more personal matters such as breastfeeding, circumcision, and vaccines.
As personal as the act of birthing is, the pregnant woman is ransacked by advice, opinion and questioning - some may be unwanted. I felt a great need to guard myself from these situations during pregnancy.
With all the talk I've noticed and observed surrounding a woman's pregnancy, specifically her labor, the emphasis is taken off the most powerful, emotional and sacred moment of all: the birth moment.
The power of the birth moment - the complete and utter joy that a mother feels immediately when laying eyes upon her newborn is as though time has stopped. Nothing else in the world exists. There is no past, no future. No hunger, or thirst...there is no pain.
All the challenges of labor and delivery have vanished. All the pressure, burning - all the pain is gone.
And it is replaced by pure love.
Having experienced an informed and planned pregnancy, labor and delivery at home, and those indescribable feelings in the moment after the birth of my daughter, I have a hard time understanding why more haven't shared this with women expecting their first child.
Rather, women share their birth-horror stories.
Their tales of exhaustion, uncontrollable pain and dehydration.
Most women who birth vaginally experience complete awe meeting their baby. If this is true, why aren't more women sharing that part of birth with new moms (when actually having your baby in your arms is the moment we're all really waiting for)?
Remember, I am pro-informed birth, pro-planning and education.
But the work you put into labor and delivery is just a part of the equation and often overshadows the point of it all - the moment our babies join us in this big world, when time stands still, their brand new skin on ours; their little swollen blinking eyes looking up into yours.
That is the moment we all wait for.
So don't take your eyes off the prize.
After 17 hours of intense back labor (and two hours of pushing) I had NO concept that what my body was doing would result in a baby. My midwife, doula, and husband kept saying things like "You're so strong - remember, you're going to meet your baby" or "Put your hand down and feel your baby." But my intellect had vanished, taken over by this force that was my body in labor. Until she was born. As I felt her leave me, I looked down at Emma and said "BABY!" I don't think I've ever been happier. Even now I get tears of joy. Thank you for reminding me of that amazing moment.
ReplyDeleteEven though I had 2 unwanted c-sects, I sang to both my babies as they were "born" hearing their first cries seeing their cute faces for the first time was unforgetable. I got a little choked up reading this post. Thanks for that reminder, they are great memories to revisit.
ReplyDeletethis is incredibly touching. i think it can be hard to share the intensity of the birth moment with someone who hasn't experienced it, much easier to talk in terms of hours of labor and number of stitches! but reading this can really bring you back to that moment that you described perfectly as pure love. aaahhhhhh. i love it.
ReplyDeleteKaitlin, this is beautiful! And so true. The first moment I saw and held Nathan is the most incredible moment in my life. I make a point to emphasize that to all of my expectant friends. No matter how your baby arrives in the world, the moment you come face to face is pure joy.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of things you will never, ever be able to prepare for. You will be able to prepare for emergencies, birth is usually straight forward. But the magic of how it unfolds is what you can never prepare for, you can only prepare to get out of the magic's way so birth can unfold as it wishes. Each time is different, I've done it 10 times. My daughter is expecting her first, she's going to be at home. My advice to her is to not plan yourself into a corner. Don't say, please don't say, I'm a modest person, I want to plan to be modest. Birth is a different planet, and your identity becomes a woman bringing forth her baby, you are no longer quiet, or noisy, or modest, or sensible or afraid of pain! Plan to give yourself room to be and have whatever you need to be in labor. Have support people there, waiting in another room, available if you need them. Have bath water available, even if you know you won't want it. Have your bed and a comfortable chair an big pillows available, have music, candles available, because you will only know what you want when the moment comes. Don't be picky about strangers or your mom. Someone who's done it before is all you need to encourage you as you do this awesome thing. Your body is opening up to allow your little one to come into your arms. Your only job is to get out of your body's way. Don't fight it, go with it. When a contraction comes say, "yes! yes! yes!" even though you will want to say, no. Talk to your body, tell it it's doing well, that it is opening up well, because it is. It's powerful and capable. Get involved. Feel your own cervix as it opens, and your baby's head through the opening. Don't say yuck, this is the magic! Get into it, you will never be able to again, because next time it will be different. Call to your baby, tell her to come to you, tell her it's up to you and her to give birth together. I love touching my baby's head for months afterward and remember when we, and we together, shared her coming into the world!
ReplyDeleteI think women share their horror stories because we all know deep down that is not the way birth is supposed to be. It's as if we're giving women a cautionary tale, that if you're not informed enough, or don't have the right provider, or are in the wrong setting, that birth can go terribly wrong. Having had three births, one epidural, one botched water birth, and one spectacular birth in a hospital, I have to say the last one gave me the moment you are talking about.
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