Moving to My New Permanent (Blog) Home

Well Blogger, it's been fun, but the time has come to move on to the bigger, better blogging platform...WordPress.

By now most of you know that I've been working on revamping, redesigning and aligning my overall vision over at Bring Birth Home.

The site is 95% finished. 

There is one part of the site in particular that is up and ready to go -  the new BBH Blog. 

So this little note is to let you all know that I'll be permanently moving over there for the rest of my blogging life.

If you are following This Mom Life, it is my sincere hope that you continue following my rants and raves over at my new home. You can do so by clicking the RSS feed at the top right corner of the site (the orange box next to the Twitter and Facebook icons).

I've written a brand new post about the re-birth of Bring Birth Home. You can get acquainted with the new BBH (if you haven't already seen it) by reading The (re)Birth of Bring Birth Home.

I think I'll miss this little blog. It has served me well.

Warmly, 

Kaitlin

p.s. don't worry - I'm not going to kill This Mom Life. It will still be here as an archive of the past. You can visit whenever you want. 

Don't Take the Advice of a Crazy Person

So we're all a little nutty.

We weed out the people who we think are more different than we are (crazy) and pack together in groups and communities of those we find most similar to ourselves (sane).

Most of the time we're not super close with someone who has completely opposing views, especially on social issues (although there are always exceptions - if you don't talk about the things you disagree on, things work out just fine).

Sometimes we are friends with people who are our complete opposites. We just love 'em and accept them for who they are.

But when it comes to getting medical advice, we tend to automatically trust the "experts," our nurses and doctors.

How well do you know your physician? Is he or she someone you're seeing for the first time? Do you have much of a relationship at all? Maybe you're lifelong pals.

Would you take the advice of someone who had completely different ideas about life than you? Because there is always room for one's personal opinions to slip out. Always. It's inevitable.

Let me provide you with an example of what I'm talking about....where this blog post all stemmed from...

Remember Dr. Amy? The Skeptical Ob? Blatantly against home birth?

We know how she feels about home birth. She's been more than clear about that.

But how does she feel about other health related issues?

I discovered some things about her that you might find pretty interesting...

1. Doctor Amy doesn't believe in prenatal vitamins. 
In fact, she doesn't believe in taking ANY vitamins, supplements, herbal remedies or homeopathics.

2. Amy doesn't believe sunlight is beneficial, only that it causes skin-cancer.
That's right. No healing properties in the sun. Just cancer.

3. Dr. Amy does not believe in intuition.
She doesn't think a mother can "feel" her child when it is physically away from her (as in sensing something is wrong).

4. Amy believes fluoride in our water keeps our teeth healthy.
No matter where that fluoride was derived from (coal fired power plants).

5. Dr. Amy does not believe the moon and it's cycles play a part or have anything to do with anything on our planet.
What about the life cycles of insects and other obvious moon-cycled patterns animals display?

6. Amy doesn't believe in "live" food.
No such thing as living or dead food.

Lets review:

Dr. Amy opposes home birth, (and water birth) vitamins, sunlight, chemical-free water, moon cycles and live foods.

That's cool. I mean, whatever, you know? She can believe in whatever she wants to. Fine by me.

But why on earth would I take her advice about home birth? Why when I so radically disagree with everything else that she believes in? Why would I care about what she thinks?

Well, I wouldn't. That would just be crazy!

My mama always said, "don't take the advice of a crazy person."

Call me crazy, but I think she's nuts. And guess what? She thinks I'm crazy too! So be it.

The Power of the Birth Moment

What will my labor be like? Will it hurt? What environment do I want to birth in? Will I want to labor in water? What position will I end up delivering in?

A first time mother will daydream these questions, interrupting her concentration at work; invading her dreams.

And for good reason. Birth is one of the few most monumental moments of a woman's life.

We interview doctors, midwives and doulas. Gather our birth supplies, say our blessings and light the candles. Do our kegels and walk, swim or practice prenatal yoga.

Everything we do during pregnancy, especially in the later half, is in anticipation and preparation for the big day.

Strangers may ask (or not ask) to touch your belly. They may ask you where you plan on giving birth or who your provider is. Some may go so far as to pry into more personal matters such as breastfeeding, circumcision, and vaccines.

As personal as the act of birthing is, the pregnant woman is ransacked by advice, opinion and questioning - some may be unwanted. I felt a great need to guard myself from these situations during pregnancy.

With all the talk I've noticed and observed surrounding a woman's pregnancy, specifically her labor, the emphasis is taken off the most powerful, emotional and sacred moment of all: the birth moment.

The power of the birth moment - the complete and utter joy that a mother feels immediately when laying eyes upon her newborn is as though time has stopped. Nothing else in the world exists. There is no past, no future. No hunger, or thirst...there is no pain.

All the challenges of labor and delivery have vanished. All the pressure, burning - all the pain is gone.

And it is replaced by pure love.

Having experienced an informed and planned pregnancy, labor and delivery at home, and those indescribable feelings in the moment after the birth of my daughter, I have a hard time understanding why more haven't shared this with women expecting their first child.

Rather, women share their birth-horror stories. 

Their tales of exhaustion, uncontrollable pain and dehydration.

Most women who birth vaginally experience complete awe meeting their baby. If this is true, why aren't more women sharing that part of birth with new moms (when actually having your baby in your arms is the moment we're all really waiting for)?

Remember, I am pro-informed birth, pro-planning and education. 

But the work you put into labor and delivery is just a part of the equation and often overshadows the point of it all - the moment our babies join us in this big world, when time stands still, their brand new skin on ours; their little swollen blinking eyes looking up into yours.

That is the moment we all wait for.

So don't take your eyes off the prize.

Be Who You Are

This post is about remembering who you are as an individual after you become a mother.

Being a mom takes up a lot of time during the day (that's an understatement).

I could never have guessed how my life would change after my daughter was born. Eric and I talked about how things wouldn't change like we had some idea. Phf. Yeah, right! 

Here's the thing...prior to becoming pregnant, I was a busy gal - a bartender, waitress and performing songwriter. I thought I'd be able to put Ella down for a nap and practice my songs. Ha, no...I was sleeping when she was sleeping (like every new mom should). 

Truth is, playing guitar was the last thing on my mind during those first few months of her life. There were more important things to tend to.

A little history...

I love singing.

I've been singing since I was five. The Little Mermaid song was a crowd favorite. I sang to anyone who would listen. On the school bus, walking down the sidewalk, in my grandmother's kitchen while she held her tape recorder (we still have that tape).

I continued singing and at 15, found my mom's old Alvarez in the closet. Thought it might be fun to fool around with it for a little while and before long, I had the theme song to The Godfather down.

My mom encouraged my interest and bought me a few Jewel songs with pictures of the chords inside. And that's how I learned how to play the guitar - each day one summer just a few chords at time.

It wasn't long before I started writing my own songs. They weren't any good but I wouldn't have known it back then. My family was very supportive and continue to be to this day.

I used to play out every week.


With five independent records and close to 200 songs over my near ten year tenure as a singer/songwriter, it's been challenging to put on the back burner. 

Well, that's only half true...I've been completely enthralled by Ella and just fine being a stay at home. There's other part of me - the part that likes a shot of Makers Mark, the adrenaline rush of being on stage and sitting in the warm spotlight...yeah there's no denying a part of me that misses that. 

Since Ella was born, almost one year ago, I have played three shows and have only written two songs. Yikes.  I'm not crazy about not being a very prolific musician, but eh, what do you do? Quality over quantity.

What is most important to me is that I keep playing, no matter how seldom. I don't want my passion for singing, writing and performing to fade away. I want to teach Ella that while being a mom is my #1 joy of a life time, I am more than just a mommy.

She's showing signs of having good rhythm...who knows? Maybe she'll join me on stage one day.

p.s. interested in a listen? Kaitlin Rose Music

Four Generations

Kaitlin Rose, Irma, Ella Rose, Patricia
My grandmother and mother were present during my labor and for the birth of my daughter almost one year ago. A series of beautiful photographs of us were taken by my dear friend, Melissa Dillon in front of my grandma's home in September, 2009

  

 

Four Generations Unite: My mother and grandmother are coming to Portland for the first anniversary of Ella's birth, 2.4.10

Photography by Melissa Dillon

Get Together Mamas & Babies!

Every Thursday and Friday morning at 10:00, Ella and I stroll into the local library 11 blocks down the road to join other mothers and their children (newborn-2).

"Teacher Susan," our fun and energetic librarian, gathers the children's attention with bubbles - their eyes suddenly diverted upward as their arms extend, reaching for the floating iridescent balls.

"Hello bubbles, hello bubbles, come and land, come and land. Right in the middle, right in the middle, of my hand, of my hand," we sing together.

Susan does a great job of keeping all of our attention, swiftly moving from one song to another and alternating between activities that require thinking, to being silly, noticing colors, and bouncing our children on our laps. 

Then there are the more physical games, like ring-around-the-rosie and the hokey pokey. The kids just have a ball, and so do the moms and dads who are playing with them (and we all get a work-out at the same time, huffing and puffing as we hold our near-toddlers on our hips).

During the last ten minutes Susan brings out the toy box.

There is a mad rush to the favorites, and a "No! Mine!" every time. Ella has gotten pushed out of the way, toys taken from her, as well as shared with her. Toy time is one of my favorites because I like to see the interaction between the other children and Ella, especially because she doesn't have any siblings (yet).

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star, stop and clean up where you are..." marks the time to put the toys away. So far, Ella has obliged without much fuss. I usually give her something of ours for distraction. But just as soon as a chorus of whining erupts, out come more bubbles! 

"Goodbye bubbles, goodbye bubbles, time to go, time to go. I will help you with a blow..."

I enjoy these mornings so much and have realized how important it is for moms and their babies to get together. It's awesome to be in a room full of mothers of all ages, ethnicities and lifestyles who have one major thing in common: we love our babies so much. 

Laugh at the Mess!

Today after going to a play date with a friend, we came back to my house to have lunch. Eric joined us and asked how our day was, we made small talk and after a little while I said, "man, I am tiiiiired, I think I'm going to take a nap with Ella this afternoon,"

Eric responded, saying, "Oh yeah? Rough day for you Mommies?" in a joking way. We laughed. "Yeah, real rough," and as I said those words, it dawned on me...

FINALLY, after nearly one full year of being a stay at home mom, I realized, holy shit...my day was no where near "hard."

Seriously, why have I been kidding myself? Here was my day(and this is rather typical):

I got up at 8, ate breakfast, fed Ella and changed her, went on a play date with friends, ate a delicious home cooked meal (not to boast) and watched Ella play with her new friend Ryan.

Yeah, real hard. Cry-me-a-river.

It finally dawned on me how, not it is really "easy" but to be a stay at home mom, raising a human being, it definitely has it's challenges. But it's far from a "hard" life.

In fact, it's fun!

We play. We sing songs. Sometimes she gets fussy and poops on the floor without a diaper on (and plays in it while I scramble to get a wash cloth and detergent). No shortage of surprises.

But it, all if it, so much better than going to work all day long at a job I don't like. Those waitressing jobs meant nothing to me. Nothing compared to this!!

My god, I thought...WTF do I really have to complain about? Being tired? Well, then I can take a nap! Being a stay at home mom, I have that luxury!

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there aren't challenges.There are still going to be several times during the day that I'll get stressed.

But I when I think of those challenges, I think of the challenges I DON'T have to face, like having Ella and getting up at 6:30 every morning to feed, dress and get her ready for daycare before I head to work for 8 hours.

No thank you.

If I had once piece of advice for a stay at home mom with only one child...it would be...

Get over yourself! You really don't have it that hard. Okay, I mean, it's tough...but seriously!

Don't misunderstand...sometimes life is hard. 

Just in general. I get that. Money stresses the heck out of me. I'm sure you've got your own set of stresses like a hill or a mountain that can be hard to see over.

But new challenges are always bound to arise. New stresses as well as new joys. Take it in, breathe easy, and remember, it's okay to be tired. Take in every single moment with your little blessing before he or she grows up and moves around too fast to be caught long enough to cuddle.

Laugh at the mess rather than scurrying about picking it up (for a little while, at least).                      

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